Episode Recap:S1E1: "If I Were a Carpenter"
Note: This has turned out to be a somewhat lengthier and more photo-heavy synopsis than planned, so commentary, trivia, etc. will go on the next post.
We begin the episode (and series) with several shots of a Sealink ferry, while
Breaking Away by Joe Fagin plays on the soundtrack. Neville looks out over the sea, while composing a postcard to Brenda in his mind. It reads:
"Dearest Brenda,
We are now at sea. I stood on deck and watched the coast of England disappear into the distant mist. Who knows what lies ahead? A better future for us - that is my fervent hope. Well, there's no more room for anything else, except to say I love you, and miss you.
-Your Neville"
We then see Neville writing the final part of his postcard at a booth in the ferry's mess deck, while Dennis and Oz are getting beers poured at the bar. Noticing that Neville won't take up Dennis' offer of a beer, crisps (chips), or Scotch eggs (hard-boiled eggs covered in sausage filling, then bread crumbs, then deep-fried), Oz theorizes that Neville's seasick but Dennis says for Neville it's more a case of homesickness and tells Oz that he told Neville that going overseas to work in Germany was the only way he (Neville) could hope to earn enough to buy a nice new house for Brenda without losing most of his income to taxation. Oz jokes that "Pelicans, penguins, and Inland Revenue all have one thing in common: they can shove their bills up their arse." Dennis laughs at the joke, while Neville covers his mouth and runs off, proving Oz's seasickness theory...
Driving Oz's car off the ferry, the trio are asked to pull over for a customs inspection. The Dutch inspectors are puzzled by Dennis' spirit level.
Driving through the Dutch countryside, Neville writes another postcard to Brenda (apparently a bump in the road counts as a "point of interest"). Oz points out the advantages of driving on the right side of the road in a right-hand drive vehicle, namely that when driving the driver can throw garbage out the window and not worry about hitting oncoming cars.
The trio stop for lunch. Neville writes yet another postcard; Oz notes Neville wrote his first one at Darlington (a city only 20 miles away from Newcastle). In contrast, Oz reveals that he didn't even tell his wife he was going overseas. Outside the restaurant, Dennis and Neville find Oz working on the car's engine. Dennis asks what's wrong; Oz says nothing, just better safe than sorry. "Sorry about what?" asks Dennis. "Nothing" replies Oz, "It just needs a little push." Neville says they should have taken the train.
After some more driving, they arrive at a train station in Nijmegen. A pub attached to the station is completely packed with other British workers also looking for job assignments. One of the other workers, Barry Taylor, recognizes Dennis, having worked with him previously at another site. After catching up for a bit (apparently Barry had been working back in England but the construction company he was working for failed) and subjecting Dennis to a monologue of how he blames Thatcherism for the current situation but doesn't see the highly fragmented Labour party offering much of an alternative. Dennis introduces Barry to Oz, and Barry gives Dennis an overview of the job market: the work agent, Herr Pfister (who according to Barry looks a bit like
David Kossoff with glasses) has a manifest of openings in which the current situation is: Frankfurt's best for bricklayers, Mannheim's mostly carpenters and plasterers, and they want electricians at Mönchengladbach (which is where Barry is heading off to).
While Neville tries unsuccessfully to get a round of
drinks from the overworked bartender, Dennis asks Pfister about any job
openings for bricklayers in Düsseldorf; Pfister replies that there are
only 2 openings for bricklayers, and also some carpenters are needed.
Dennis says that's perfect, as he and Oz are bricklayers and Neville's a
carpenter (in the meantime, Neville's come back empty-handed). He cuts
off Neville's objections by telling him to go back and get some drinks
for the 3 of them. At a booth, Nevil objects to Dennis that he's not a
carpenter; Dennis tells him that he took woodwork at school, therefore
he's a carpenter. He tells Neville that he did what he did because he
didn't want to split the group up or go to a different city as he knows
Düsseldorf quite well; he tells Neville that he can go there as a
carpenter and once there's a job opening for a bricklayer switch to
doing that. Oz mentions that Dennis said it's got the best brothel in
Germany, and he could write in his next postcard home: "Dearest Brenda,
weather good, knocking-shop fantastic!". Neville is not amused.
Coming out of the station, Wayne follows them, having heard they're heading to Düsseldorf. He asks for a lift, but they turn him down, saying they'd give him a lift but there's not enough room in their car for him with all their equipment. Wayne huffs off. "
Spurs", comments Oz, "Ye can tell, man."
On the road again, they drive up to the German border. While undergoing a customs inspection, Oz takes the opportunity to loudly recount a thriller he once read where a spy was trying to get through the German border on a false passport. Despite this, the German customs inspector waves their car through. The opening bars of the German national anthem are heard on the soundtrack, then Oz and Dennis celebrate the trio's entry into Germany with a somewhat "modified"
rendition of Rule, Britannia:
"Rule, Britannia,
Marmalade and jam,
Five Chinese crackers up your arsehole
Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang: OI!"
Neville has a flashback to his tearful and reluctant departure from home. Brenda makes him promise to write.
Back in the present, the trio is having car problems. The hood's been popped up, and Dennis and Oz are fiddling with the engine; Neville is behind the wheel. Oz tells Neville to try starting the car's engine again, but it fails to start.
Neville gets out of the car, and notices a trail of oil down the road. Looking under the car, he tells everyone that the bottom of the sump's fallen out, which must have made the engine seize up. Dennis asks if it can be fixed; Neville says no, you'll need a new engine, and starts unpacking things from the car. Dennis asks Oz that if they take the car to a German garage will the insurance cover a new engine. Oz nonchalantly replies that he doubts it very much, as the car isn't insured (in order to get a "green card" be allowed out of the country, the car needed insurance, but Oz cancelled the insurance in order to get some sending money as soon as he got the card). Dennis is apoplectic and berates Oz's irresponsibility, his rant continuing to be heard even after the image transitions to the train they ended up taking pulling into a small suburban station near the construction site. The 3 get out and walk over to the construction site.
The 3 come across Herr Grunwald coming out of the manager's hut. They introduce themselves to him; he's displeased that they've arrived so late. He also informs them that due to their delayed arrival there's no more room at the hostel, so they'll have to stay in a hut on the compound.
The 3 walk across the site, looking for their hut. They come across Bomber, who tells them which hut to use (the other one is full of Turkish guest workers). Dennis tells the others that staying in the hut will only be temporary; Oz makes several references to The Great Escape, assuring Dennis and Neville that they'll start tunneling tonight but they need false papers and civvy clothes... Dennis yells at Oz to shut up. The 3 make themselves at home, unpacking their gear and in Neville's case trying to tear all of the various pornographic images off the inside of his locker door. Neville starts writing a postcard to Brenda. Oz comes up to him, holding his level like a swagger stick and in a German accent informs Nev that all mail will be strictly censored. He seems at first to commiserate with Neville about his homesickness, before reverting to a German accent again and telling Neville to put such thoughts of home from his mind: "Escape is impossible! For you, Tommy, ze var is over!"
Some time later, Dennis and Oz are at work as bricklayers, while Neville struggles as a pretend carpenter. At lunch, Wayne's listening to a Walkman and Oz throws a brick at him to get his attention in order to ask him where Neville is. Wayne tells him Neville's in the infirmary and he's lucky he isn't there with him after Oz threw that brick. They visit Neville in their hut; he has a large bandage over his right hand. Oz jokes that Neville won't be writing any more postcards for a while; Neville gets annoyed while Oz keeps clowning around. Dennis has a flashback revealing that he and Vera are getting divorced.
The next day it's payday, so all the workers come out of the site manager's trailer with their pay packets. Bomber announces he's going back home; Dennis tells Neville that he'll now have a chance to start working as a bricklayer on Monday. Barry arrives on his motorcycle, telling Dennis he didn't like Mönchengladbach so he thought he would come over to Düsseldorf to work.
Later that evening, Bomber, Dennis, Oz, and Wayne are going out for drinks and a visit to a brothel (Wayne tells Neville everything's above-board, and the brothel is state-owned). They invite Neville along, saying he should at least go for a drink with them, but Neville insists on staying behind in the hut. The 4 pile into a taxi, while Neville regrets his decision after realizing he's staying in with Barry (who takes the opportunity to show Neville his Polaroid gallery of Bruges). At a nightclub, while the bar's band plays a cover of Abba's song Super Trouper, Wayne asks Oz what he thinks the brothel's going to be like. After Oz gives a rather detailed description, Wayne tells him he's not going; he says "There's no way I'm paying for it". When the rest get there, Oz is disappointed by the quality and tells Dennis "I thought you said this was the best brothel in Germany." Dennis replies "No, I said it was the biggest." Oz spots a Turkish worker from the site there and loudly tells him "This isn't allowed in your country! If they find out, they'll cut it off!" Bomber and Oz take their pick, but Dennis says he's gone off the idea. Later, Oz and Dennis get back to the hut, while Bomber's still at the brothel (Oz says he's practically gotten a season pass).
The next day, Neville comes back into the hut in a good mood after having played a soccer game with the other British workers against the Turkish ones. "Turkey 2, England 3!" he exclaims. Noticing Bomber's still in the hut, Neville tells Bomber he better hurry if he wants to get to the station to go home. Bomber tells Neville that he's not going home; after his time at the brothel, he went back into town, went to a bar, and lost all his savings in a poker game. He's going to stay in Düsseldorf and try to get as much overtime as possible to make up for the loss.
Another week goes by. Bomber works like mad, laying 2 bricks at a time, much to the annoyance of the German workers around him. Neville goes to a phone booth to call his wife, and tell her he's going home. Dennis finds out, and tries to persuade him to stay. Neville says if Bomber had gone home things would be different, but he can't keep faking it as a carpenter. Dennis persuades Neville to at least stick it out for the remainder of the week, then go out with the rest of the lads for a drink at the bar so he can say he did something in Germany other than spend 2 weeks in a hut. Neville relents, and we see the trio walking through downtown Düsseldorf in suits. When they get to the nightclub (the same one Dennis, Oz, Wayne, and Bomber went to before) , the band is now playing a cover of "Don't Stand So Close to Me" by The Police. They find bomber already there; he buys a round of drinks for everyone. Neville seems to be coming out of his shell; he tries (and quite likes) the schnapps that Bomber's been drinking, and shows an interest in a dice game two Germans are playing next to them in the bar.
Some time later, everyone's slow-dancing on the dance floor; Dennis is going back to the hut, and says goodbye to Wayne (who's also heading out, holding hands with the barmaid he was talking to earlier [and last week]). Dennis goes back to the bar and finds Neville with his tie untied and a dice game in progress; Neville's doing quite well, as there's a substantial pile of cash next to him on the table. Dennis says he's heading back, and tells Oz to look after Neville. Oz promises to not let Neville out of his sight so of course the moment Dennis leaves Oz wanders off.
The next morning, Dennis wakes up in the hut to find Neville's bed empty. He goes over to Oz and shakes him awake. He asks Oz where Neville is; Oz replies "Well, he's definitely not here with me!" Dennis tells Oz he knew he shouldn't have left Neville in his "care", while Oz replies that Dennis has been wet-nursing Neville ever since he got here and Neville's old enough to make his own decisions. Barry just wants the two of them to be quiet so he can keep sleeping.
Neville shambles in, terribly hung over and with no memory of last night. Dennis guesses he's lost all his savings, but Neville pulls a seemingly endless supply of Deutschmarks out of his pockets. He tells the others that even though he's got his savings, he can't go home, ever, because he's also got something else now: a tattoo of a heart with "Neville" and "Lotte". "Who's Lotte?" asks Oz. "I can't remember..." replies a tearful Neville. Cue the very 80s-style
credits short-piece-of-action-followed-by-freeze-frame montage, with Joe Fagin's song
That's Living Alright playing over the credits. Thus ends our first episode; 1 down, 12 to go...
Up next: Trivia, commentary, and more on this episode!
That's all for this episode! Up next: Who Won the War, Anyway?
